Archive for April, 2018

ThursThreads, week 312

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2018 by drmagoo

The vaguely reduced grey of daytime begins, and so do the voices. Since yelling into my hole would only produce a cacophony of echoes, they’ve installed a speaker by which I can hear. Today, the message was worthlessness. Why I shouldn’t be allowed to exist, even here. Person after person comes by, taking time out of their day to tell me how my life, here at the bottom of a thousand foot hole, offends their sensibilities. I have no microphone with which to respond, no hands to cover my ears. I hear every word, every snarl. I’ve grown used to the hate. When that’s all there is, it’s easy. I lie on my floor. I lap at the nutritional liquid they pool next to my head twice a day. And I listen.

I deserve to be down here, of course. It was a justice that they finally saw through my shell of adequacy and sent me to this home. Here I will rot under the weight of a thousand mistakes and ten thousand failures to be a better person.

The voices come, one after another, from what passes as my dawn to what passes as my dusk. At night, I ponder what they say to me, to know why I deserve to be in my hole.

If only one person would wonder, would ask, would say “you okay down there,” I would break. Thankfully, no one cares for me, and no one should. And the voices keep coming.