#ThursThreads week 367

In all the years since creatures first evolved in the universe, two things had never happened in Hell. It had never stopped snowing (contrary to popular belief) and the Apocalypse Bell had never rung. The Devil had grown tired of waiting for it to ring and started a contest among the damned – anyone who could guess, to the millisecond, what time the bell *would* eventually ring would get reincarnated back on the planet of their choosing. Sure, there was a risk, but what the Home, He figured. Life is full of risks. So is death.

Thus, it was assured that when the bell did ring, no one would really be prepared.

Everyone jumped at the sound, for it pierced even the 20-foot snowdrifts that most beings had to wade through – naked – as they went about their tortures. The Devil jumped most of all, first in shock, then in glee.

“It’s time! It’s finally time!” He hadn’t been out of Hell in so long that he felt like a child on Christmas morning (on the one world that still celebrated such foolishness). “Yippie!” He said, much to the amusement of the demons and the damned. “Yahoo!”

Turning, He ran for the portal to the Universe and, after fumbling with the lock, burst through to see…utter devastation. And God, smiling at what She had wrought.

“Did you leave anything? For me?” the Devil asked, aghast at the nothingness he saw.

“Nope.” God shrugged. She could be the biggest dick when she wanted


Menage Monday, week 2×38


We knew he was outside. His manifesto told anyone who wanted to know where he’d attack, and when. No authorities cared about this kind of thing anymore – what’s the death of a few more dozen “deviants” when the Eastern seaboard was under water and the twelfth Cat-5 hurricane of the season was barreling through the Gulf?

But he didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

Ironically, it was their scientists who provided us with a roadmap. They’d been trying to convert us since time immemorial, and their latest efforts involved breathing in some gas (“Straight, No Chaser” was our attempt at gallows humor) that was supposed to purge us of what they thought was wrong. It did nothing, of course – who we were was hardwired into us – but the boundary between failure and discovery is a fragile thing.

We couldn’t change who we were, but we could amplify a part of us that typically lay dormant. Every person has the potential to revert to an animalistic state – those videos of people on PCP aren’t deep fakes. We wanted that, but with the ability to focus, to work as a team. That’s what we could do when we Went Under.

The club that night was filled with the same people as always, but we weren’t in our party clothes. Dressed head-to-toe in body armor, we waited. And at the appointed time, the gas was released. We breathed in the magenta fumes and Went Under. The battle had begun anew.


#Menage Monday, week 2×36


Shivering despite my thick hide in the cold southern winds, I stood straight-backed before the Queen and parted the fur on my chest. There, hidden from all but the most magical of sight was the keyhole she’d been searching for. I felt a tingle as the key entered, and then felt my consciousness shunted aside as the Other inside me took over.

“Who awakens me?” The Other’s voice thundered in my head, but the Queen had to lean in to hear. “Who dares rouse the great and terrible…”

“Oh, shut up. You’re not a genie in a bottle, Reginald. And stop whispering.”

“I am not whispering, infernal woman! I was hidden here, inside this simulacrum of a bear, without anything that you’d call a mouth. A thousand years, I have suffered…”

“A thousand, my ass. You’ve only been in there five.”

“Well, it feels longer when you’re disembodied.”

“Still, you led me on a devilish little chase. The King thought he’d keep you hidden from me, but he’s always been a fool.”

“The King is a wise and strong master.”

“The King is a vainglorious whorer who cares more for wine than for power.” The Queen turned the key a second time. “Now I have come to free you so that you will pass on the authority to rule Arbon to me. It’s time that we had a woman in charge.”